A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
