My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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