in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
