apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
