i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
