Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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