I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
