Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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