I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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