it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
