Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
