can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
