Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
