sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
