Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
