Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
did i just pee glitter
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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