I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
