I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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