and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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