Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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