so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
