no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
