I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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