He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
