hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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