As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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