i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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