she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
