She's JV to your varsity
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
