I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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