Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
