it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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