I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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