Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The air was thick with penises
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
