Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
our cab driver is having phone sex.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
