I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
