today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
