I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize