You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
