You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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