I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
