White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
