Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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