You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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