We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
