No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
