i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
