When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
