I love black thongs
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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