He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
