"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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