I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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