After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
