cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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