your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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