I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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