Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
