This girl is more easily done than said...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
