Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
