Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
