so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
