apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
