u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
