I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How does one acquire holy water?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
