the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
