I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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