having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
